If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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