My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
