Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
