How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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