I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
