I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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