dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
