I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
