Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
