hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
