how hairy? two words: wookie tits
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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