Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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