We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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