part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I touched a dick in church today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
