I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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