I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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