It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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