I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
