hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
