dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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