Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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