Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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