I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
