Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
