giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
