Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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