She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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