so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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