I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
