I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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