id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
