DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
