I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
