I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
