just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
