conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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