This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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