I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
