Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
