Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
