I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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