Your dad touched me again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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