no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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