I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
operation harelip BJ is a go
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
