My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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