Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
