I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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