3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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