even my farts smell like vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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