Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
