The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
