Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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