Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
