This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
