And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
