just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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