the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
