apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
