i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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