i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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