Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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