our cab driver is having phone sex.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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