i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
