My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
