With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
