Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
