I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
