i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
