I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
