Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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