ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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