Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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