its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
