After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
